Overheard In Oregon City

Overheard Outside...

*Driving to the Canemah Bluffs/Willamette Falls*

[Me:] *looking up at the rocks* Those must be the bluffs.
[John:] Yeah? They look pretty serious to me.

*20 minutes later, hiking the Camas Spring Trail*

[Me:] You might want to walk ahead of me for a bit.  *farts*
[John:]  *pause* Oh my god!
[Me:]  Did it follow us?
[John:] I think so.  You're wearing my jeans, though; you're probably waking up my old farts.

Clear Back Blast Area!

Overheard In The Frontchroom...

[Me:]  *farts in hallway*  Oh, god.  Oh, that's going to be bad. Really, really bad. I apologize in advance.

*five seconds later*

[John:]  *screams, runs out the back door* OH MY GOD!
[Me:] I'm sorry!
[John:]  *gagging* OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
[Me:] I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so glad I didn't fart on the dog like I first planned to!
[John:]  *still gagging*  It smells like rotten eggs!
[Me:] Maybe I ate a demon.

Best Date Ever

Overheard Watching Jeopardy

(While Not Having Anything To Do With Jeopardy)

 

 

*chatting about past relationships*

[John:] I started dating [Narcissistic Slutbag] around 9/11.
[Me:] Well, that wasn't the biggest red flag ever.
[John:] No, the biggest red flag ever was that she slept with me on our first date.
[Me:] Technically, so did I.
[John:] That's right; I never went home.
[Me:] Best date ever!

(Back story: John came out here from Chicago for a week's visit at the end of April in 2013. He's been here ever since, so technically we're still on our first date.)

Overheard In The Frontroom...

*Jeep commercial on TV*

[Commercial:] What famous American has covered more ground than any other?
[Me:] John's ex girlfriend!

(**The last one. She's a hose beast and a horrible excuse for a human being and deserves every misery coming to her. Times eleven. She's a cunt.)

Somehow, I'm not reassured.

Overheard Spooning In Bed...

[John:] *makes noise*
[Me:] Did you just fart?
[John:] ...no...
[Me:] You did!
[John:] No, I didn't!

*pause*

[John:] I almost threw up on your back.
[Me:]  ....