Wankel Rotary Engine

Overheard In The Bedroom...

*Bummer keeps randomly barking at nothing*

[John:] I'll show you my penis if you go kill the dog.
[Me:] No!
[John:] Why not?
[Me:] Because then every time I look at your penis, I'll be sad.
[John:] Just like me.

-----------------------------------

*John Malkovich commercial on TV*

[Me:] *scratching my thigh*
[John:] Does John Malkovich turn you on?
[Me:] No. I have an itch.
[John:] A John Malkov..itch?
[Me:] *dies*

In Space, No One Can Hear You Make Bad Jokes

Overheard In The Frontroom...

*Watching  Adam West's "The Invisible Enemy" episode of The Outer Limits*

[Me:] That guy is walking around Mars without a suit. He's not wearing a helmet!
[John:] The other guy didn't have a helmet.
[Me:] Yes, he did. He had a whole spacesuit on. This guy's wearing a baseball hat. How is he not dead??
[John:] Maybe it's a spaceball hat.

I think my mighty scream was off.

Overheard In The Bedroom...

[John, playing GTA 5:]  This isn't a bad truck for running people over.
[Me:] Is it as good as the Eradicator?
[John:] The Liberator.
[Me:] Theee EeeeRADICATORRRR!
[John:] What?
[Me:] The Kids in the Hall.
[John:] Oh, the band name.
[Me:] No, that's Rod Torfulson's Armada Featuring Herman Menderchuk. I'm talking about the D-squash guy. 
[John:] What.
[Me:] Hang on, I'll find it.