I made you an omelette on account of I figured you might not like bugs.

Overheard In The Hallway...

[Me:] *in kitchen getting coffee*
[John:] *abrupt coughing*
[Me:] You okay?
[John:] *gagging*
[Me:] Should I call 911?
[John:] *still gagging*
[Me:] ...
[John:] We gotta do something about the moth problem, babe.
[Me:] ...Did you just eat a moth?
[John:] I breathe through my mouth! It flew right in!
[Me:] *dies*
[John:] Oh, thanks. Thanks for the sympathy!
[Me:] I'm sorry! It's just that it's funny!

20 minutes later, in the frontchroom...

[Me:] *watching Twilight Zone: The Movie, minding my own business*
[Bummer:] BARKBARKBARK BARK!
[Me:] Ohhhjesuschrist!!
[John:] No wonder you have high blood pressure.

I taste metal.

Overheard In The Frontchroom...

[John:] Let me put some pants on and I'll help you take the dogs out.
[John:] *farts*
[Me:] Maybe put two pants on.